My take on common clichés:
cold as ice - cold as my grandma, three days post-funeral
cute as a button - cute as my grandma, before she died.
tough as nails - tough as the frozen, mid-winter, ground that was shoveled aside for my grandma’s casket.
smooth as silk - smooth as the luscious hair on the medical examiner who ruled my grandma’s death a homicide
pretty as a picture - pretty as the pigtails on grandpa’s new mistress
black as pitch - black as the ink covering the redacted statements addressing my inheritance in grandma’s will
eager as a puppy - eager as grandpa to date a twenty year old
sweeter than sugar - sweeter than grandma’s blood sugar before she went into diabetic ketoacidosis
the strong, silent type - the strong, silent type, much like my grandma now, because she’s dead
my heart skipped a beat - my heart skipped a beat, much like grandma’s heart but grandma’s heart actually was the cause of undiagnosed heart arrhythmia and also diabetic complications and a suspected homicide.